Old Dogs and Decisions

  I have just been on a site about living with blind dogs. It was interesting to see that someone has invented a “hoop” that they call a “halo” to help these dogs find their way and not run into things. There are even instructions on how to make your own-how unusual is that?Although it is a good idea I think, I don't think it would help Keeper very much. She has always been such an independent dog that I think wearing this thing would upset her. Although of course ,they adapt more readily to change than we do, I think it might make things more difficult for her. She seems to have figured out how to jump down a small bank in the back yard on her own. Sometimes the “jump” is much more than she needs but still accurate, so what the heck? I wonder what happens if the halo gets caught on something and then of course there are the Reddings, they I am sure would be fascinated with this device and would pester the poor dog even more than they do already. I also think it would impair her comfort when sleeping. Added too, to all the info on living with a blind dog is the fact that this dog also has impaired hearing. Like her sight she still has some and I am grateful for that. However that doesn't change the fact that recently I think she lost some more of her sight as she seems to have more difficulty under certain circumstances. As soon as we got some snow it seemed more difficult for her to see where she wants to go. She goes out willingly but doesn't always seem to remember what she is out there for. Getting her back in has become a chore. Its almost like she can't figure that out and possibly feels lost out there, so she barks. I dislike this as do not want to put my neighbors through listening to it. A few years ago I attached a bell to her collar so I know where she is and a bit of what is happening to her. In the night, often at 3:00 a.m. she seems to need out, so I get up and of course no one in the area wants to hear a dog barking at the hour. My method of getting her in consists of banging an old horse whip on the door and I am afraid that may make as much noise as the dog! Since it snowed this seems to take a great deal of time and before the winter is done I may have to wade out there to physically get her.

I don't want to stick my head in the sand and ignore what is happening to her and am well aware that just possibly she is not living a life of good quality and just possibly it is time for me to make THE DECISION and have her put to sleep. Before Christmas I had decided that I would do this, now I find myself weakening again. So many things to weigh in my mind. It hurts my heart when she has difficulty getting up or walking after she has slept for awhile. This dog has always had a lot of heart and is very stoic about her aging. If there was a lot of moaning and groaning going on I would be quick to take her into the vet for that last trip. But again she seems to take it all in stride and is going on heart I suppose and that is what stays my hand. Other dog owners assure me I will simply “KNOW” when it is “TIME” and I don't know as I feel that way yet. Of course I get tired of cleaning up after her accidents in the night. I know many people would simply not put up with it and that would be reason enough-- but it all cleans up and seems a small price to perform for such a wonderful friend.

How can one not admire a dog that still at 18 attempts to jump in the van even though she cannot see where she is going? I make sure I am right there to assist and damned if it doesn't work! But how brave of her! Her nose tells her where I am and I suppose where the van is but still I think it is commendable given her disabilities that she still attempts to live as she always has and wants to please me. Does she live just because she doesn't know how to die? Is it to please me? How much pain is she in? And most of all “Is it time and I just refuse to see it?” I don't know when or if I will get the answers to these questions so I can only go with my heart. I do my best to see to her comfort and feed her temptingly, and even interfere when the Reddings are bugging her . I cannot turn back time for her or give her a younger body and so we will simply continue on and see if those questions above get answered in the future.